around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
