id be glad to
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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