if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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