if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize