did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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