that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
