He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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