ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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