god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
