We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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