Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
