Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
