I heard we made out
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i think i just lost a toe
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
