i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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