There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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