Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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