I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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