Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
