i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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