i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
