I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
