If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
