I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
