Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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