I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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