There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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