its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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