update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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