Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
