He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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