I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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