Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
