If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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