Screwed.edu
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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