Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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