Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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