Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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