I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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