Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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