It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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