The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
