Define "chronic" masturbator.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
