i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
