I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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