my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
