peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
