I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
