so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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