Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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