I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
