i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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