break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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