She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
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I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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