My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
