As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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