he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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