I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
