marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
