I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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