You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
