She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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