Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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