i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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